Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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