I think my fart just growled at me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
