whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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