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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Good luck with that.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.

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• (916): View more from California

  she's into porn, im staying here tonight

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  "If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Denial, avoidance and beer.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway

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