I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
