So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
