I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
