We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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