You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
