I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You can't just leave with hair like that
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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