im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
are you so shy because you have an std?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize