I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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