I just threw up on my dentist
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
