she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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