guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
