I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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