I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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