my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
