I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
