I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
