Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
