Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
