Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
