i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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