Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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