in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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