We named our party play list daddy issues
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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