id be glad to
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
