Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
