Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
