I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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