her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
