I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize