I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
then he tried to convert me to islam
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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