you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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