Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
