if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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