so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
