Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
