Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just had sex bonerless
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
