I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
