its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
