my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
