I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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