The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
