ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Found the puke drawer
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The air was thick with penises
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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