giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hippo gnu deer
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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