I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
