And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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