I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
