Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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