1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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