not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
