Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So many bounce houses so little time
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
