is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
