we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize