i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
