now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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