She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
