At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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