Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
