Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
