we have officially lost it.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
