On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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