just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
