The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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