turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
