I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
