I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
