I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize