i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
wow bdsm is so cute
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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