I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
