i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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