I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
