Yo dont text me then not text me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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