he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
