I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
