worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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