It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
