I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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