Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
