Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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