Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
