fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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