i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
