He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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