Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
