everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize