I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
