so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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