Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
