I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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