what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
