Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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