Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
