My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
