why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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